Certified Mrs. for the Holidays
I think I stumped my husband when I asked him for three words to sum up our first three months of marriage. He started to ramble on about feelings and rainbows. Ten exhausting minutes later, he was only able to give me “awesome” and “renewed.” When I asked him to elaborate, in typical male fashion he quietly did the “one thing” to make me chase him out of the room. This, ladies and gentlemen, is just a taste of our beautiful & comical married life…three months and counting!
I can’t tell you how good it feels to be writing in my own space again. Deciding to lay low to enjoy my first few months as a newlywed was one of the best decisions I ever made. I knew planning my wedding was going to crazy; however never in my wildest dreams did I envision it becoming an all-consuming ball of stress. The closer I got to my wedding day, the more I realized that in order to stay sane I needed to reprioritize everything. Additionally, my Road to Mrs. column on Black Bridal Bliss kept me very busy – not that I’m complaining. I believe I produced some of my best work at BBB and thank Editor Bridgette Bartlett and her readers for making me feel so at home.
Things are finally back to normal. The thank you cards have been mailed, the marriage certificate received and I’m adjusting quite nicely to my new title and role as a “Mrs.” Aside from Sean and me feeling a deeper spiritual connection, not much else has changed. We still joke and “pop off” about the silliest things. I guess that’s what happens when you marry your best friend. Okay, let me stop. I don’t want to get too sentimental on what an incredible year it’s been. Instead, I’ll keep it light and look back at some of my memorable moments of 2011. Scroll down to check them out.
And before I go, I want to wish you & yours all the best for the season & a very happy new year! While it’s true that this is a special time for family and friends, this year my holiday desires are slightly self-indulgent. I’m dreaming of being curled up on my couch in my Forever Lazy, hot chocolate in hand, catching up on some good TV. Frosty the Snowman and the old Rankin-Bass classics like Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town immediately come to mind. And I can’t forget American Horror Story, Once Upon A Time and my current guilty pleasure Revenge. Now that’s a Festivus dream come true!
Call of Duty Scrape If you play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, claim to “fight for my freedom” and scrape your knee, rubbing alcohol shouldn’t scare you. :-)
Scrooged At Galleria Mall If you’ve ever been to Galleria Mall in Toronto – think the old school malls with brown tiles and orange seats – you may appreciate why I was less than thrilled when Sean called me to tell me he was there to pick up my gift. Seriously? I pray he’s joking. I know my initial reaction completely goes against the spirit of Christmas, but visit the mall before you judge me.
Forever Lazy Lady I laughed at these commercials at first. An adult onesie? Really? However, I recently reconsidered. I get that it’s not the sexiest thing for a woman to wear, but it’s comfortable and soft. Sean tried his best to “forbid” it, and even took his grievances to Facebook. In the end, none of it mattered to me. I was so eager to get one before Christmas that I called the Showcase store at Dufferin Mall had them place the last XS on hold for me. I picked it up this week, with Sean in tow. See, he’s beginning to see things my way already, lol.
NYC
Backstage at The Apollo Theater
The Hip Hop Culture Center Harlem
Philly
At Bridal Shower w/My Beautiful Bridesmaids
Just Married!
Old Havana
New Havana
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2011
Update On Our Wedding Plans
In case you missed it, here’s the recent video I did for my Road To Mrs. column on Black Bridal Bliss. In it, Sean and I provide an update on our wedding plans with hilarious results! Check it out:
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2011
The Blossom of Parting
You know what I love most about weekends? Sleeping in. I’m not a morning person so if I have to get up early, it had better be for a good reason. There are only a few people who can drag me out of bed before 9am and I’d like to give 2 of them a quick shout out.
I realize this may be an unconventional way to start my first blog post of 2011, but it’s a new year and a new decade, why not shake things up.
The first one is to my best friend. Hey BF! Only you could have me stand in the cold for 5 hours straight, no questions asked. Why are you so surprised I didn’t complain? I thought I told you whenever & whatever. After all, a deal is a deal. 
The second is to my Saturday morning gal pal. My dear, I really do cherish our Saturday breakfasts! Your positivity perks me up more than any cup of java! She and I recently got together for our first breakfast of 2011. Not exactly sure why I suggested we kick things off with an hour-long walk in the middle of winter, 20 degrees below zero. True to form, she was up for the challenge and I learned that a frigid early morning walk is a great way to: a) wake the hell up, b) get in some cardio and c) work up a serious appetite.
As we devoured our delicious spinach feta omelets, we agreed that 2010 was THE year of major changes. Even though we’re only 2 months in, it’s looking like the same can be said for 2011. Globally, the wave of social reform sweeping northern Africa and the Middle East has those countries breaking free of long standing governments and regimes; first in Tunisia, then Egypt and now Libya. Amazing and inspiring! I hope the sacrifices made won’t be in vain and that the people will truly have a say in how their countries moves forward. Nas was right, all you need is One Mic to spread your voice to the whole world. We hear you. Loud and clear.
Bringing things back to home, has anyone noticed the number of relationships either ending or drifting apart? I have. It’s something that I’ve discussed a lot with my friends and it seems to be a common occurance for those of us in our late 20s & early to mid 30s. Here’s the thing: outgrowing relationships may be hard to accept but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Experts say that if you and your friend/lover are moving in vastly different directions, the bonds that brought you together may not be enough to sustain the relationship. Try not to feel too bad about it. Moving on doesn’t mean that your past shared experiences weren’t meaningful or important to you both, but it acknowledges your needs in the present. Remember, this is a natural part of your personal growth.
Speaking of change and growth, I thought I’d fill you in on what’s been going on with me and give a little link love. Call it a catch-up/mash-up. Enjoy!
Nay Redux: This year marks the 2nd anniversary of Nia’s Piece. What began as a way for me to overcome my shyness and share my work has exceeded my expectations! That said, I’m ready to take the next step in my writing journey. Part of this will involve a refresh of Nia’s Piece. You can still expect the same feel good thought-provoking words along with a few other features I can’t wait to share. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on these changes as they happen so stay tuned!
My Column on BlackBridalBliss.com: Remember my piece, The Bridal Path? Well after it was featured on BlackBridalBliss.com I was asked by BBB creator Bridgette Bartlett, writer and former editor of Essence Magazine, to be a contributor. The “Road To Mrs.” column, chronicles my road to the altar. If you missed a post, you can get caught up here. Thanks to everyone for your feedback! And for those of you who’ve been asking to see the hilarious video, “Spoken Like A True Sean-In-Law”, you can view it at the end of this post.
All Apple’d Out: Just call us one big Apple family. Earlier this month I picked up a lovely iPhone 4. Although I loved my BlackBerry, I grew tired of its lack of apps and functionality. The only downside is that I’ve been getting flack from my BBM friends for going to the “other side.” Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to abandon you. I guess we’ll just have to text, lol. My iPhone 4 is so sleek and easy to use, how could I resist? I’ve even mastered the touch screen typing. But what’s impressed me the most are the number of free apps. My top right now are: “Nike Training” and the “Unblock Me” puzzle game. I know that someone whose name rhymes with Jean is more than a little jealous. According to him, I haven’t “earned” an iPhone 4. Whatever the hell that means. Who cares if I confused the retina display with a retinal scan, fall back homie…this is my phone!
LINK LOVE
I Marcus Garvey: It sounds good. I hope it’s good. I’ll know for sure when I check it out. This epic drama tells the story of Jamaica’s national hero, Marcus Mosiah Garvey, the founder of the United Negro Improvement Association and a leading advocate for the advancement of Africans at home and abroad. It’s playing at the Papermill Theatre, 67 Pottery Rd., in Toronto, March 11th-27th. Click here for more info.
ThisIsYourConscience.com: I came across this blog while perusing the Internet and just had to share. Described as a site “honouring those who display sense and criticizing those who have none at all”, creator Lincoln Anthony Blades doesn’t hesitate to say what’s on his mind. Hands down ThisIsYourConscience.com is one of the most real and honest blogs I’ve read in a while. Don’t believe me? Just check out his take on:
Brutally honest, funny, real and Canadian. I LOVE IT!
Well, that’s it for now. I hadn’t really thought about how I’d end this catch-up/mash up post. Enjoy the links and have a look at the videos below. I’d love to hear your feedback so feel free to hit me up by either leaving me comment, email: words@navyjade.com, Facebook or Twitter. Until next time…
© Nia’s Piece, 2011
Merry Christmas!
Wishing all of you a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year!
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
World AIDS Day
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank
As the world commemorates World AIDS Day, I hope you will too! According to the UN, this year’s theme, “Universal Access and Human Rights,” is being highlighted in events around the globe by the Light For Rights campaign organized by various charitable organizations. Light For Rights events are being held all over the world. The events encourage 100 cities to dim the lights on public landmarks to remember the devastating affect AIDS has had, and then to turn the lights back on – to illuminate the fundamental human rights shared by all – but often denied people living with HIV.
AVERT, an international AIDS & HIV charity says, “Universal access to HIV prevention, treatment and care is the key to ending the global AIDS epidemic.” I couldn’t agree more. Although we have made incredible strides, there is still much work to be done. Click here for the stats.
Visit these sites to see how you can help:
World AIDS Day 2010 – Official Website
And for all of you coffee lovers, Starbucks is supporting World AIDS Day. As part of their 12 Days of Sharing Campaign, five cents from every handcrafted beverage sold today will support the Global Fund which helps those suffering with AIDS in Africa. They’ll also be making a contribution to the Global Fund with any purchase of (STARBUCKS) RED products throughout the year. Click here for more info:
Photo by Nina Voulis
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
Caught On The Come Up
For her, every night was a party. As a pretty girl who craved the spotlight, designer clothes and a high-end condo helped her stay camera ready. When I first met her I didn’t think we’d click, but we did. Maybe it was because we worked together. Or maybe it was because we were both single mothers. Looking back, it was probably fascination. She seemed to live a charmed life and I guess I was intrigued.
We worked hard and she played harder. From shopping sprees to expensive nights on town, it was nothing for her to drop $300-$500 a night. I always wondered how she did it. Of course, the obvious came to mind. When I asked, she denied it so I left it alone. Besides, she had a boyfriend and as my mom used to say, “Never worry about what someone may have because you don’t how they got it or what they’re doing to keep it.” I guess I wasn’t surprised that our friendship didn’t last. Maybe one day I’ll share why. Suffice it to say that her life had become a rollercoaster. I had reached my limit on the amount of negativity I could tolerate. Sooner or later she would crash and I didn’t want to be around when it happened.
Months later, I finally found out how she maintained her lifestyle. She stole. A lot. Fraud and embezzlement were her methods of choice. Apparently she’d been doing it for years. Had her scheme down to a science. That is until a few of her victims went public. When the sh*t hit the fan, rather than own up, she claimed she had a drug problem. No one held her accountable so she got off with a slap on the wrist…until she did it again. Those victims pressed charges, giving her a much-needed dose of reality. Was I shocked that she went that far to keep up her façade. Yes. Was I surprised? No.
I wondered what I would say if I ever saw her again. In a city as small as Toronto, it was bound to happen. Sure enough, I saw her about a month ago at an event. Her life in the fast lane had taken its toll. I probably should have gone up to her and asked for an explanation but I didn’t care. It just didn’t matter. I actually felt sorry for her. She was up to her old tricks, still running the same game. Searching desperately for a spotlight that didn’t exist. Trying to hold onto to whatever it was she thought she needed to be. No doubt blinded by the new chicks on the come up, waiting in line for their shine. Silly rabbit…
What you just read happened 8 years ago. Since then, I’ve seen so many girls like her. Admit it, you probably have too. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re the self-proclaimed princesses who live far beyond their means. They can usually be found in the VIP section looking for their narcissistic prince, when the truth is they’re struggling to make ends meet. Ladies, we need to do better.
We seem to be living in a ‘Me Generation’ littered with princesses and princes. Words like ‘role models,’ ‘empowerment’ and ‘sense of entitlement’ are often misplaced and usually used to sell a high-end lifestyle and products many women can’t afford. Marketing brilliance? Perhaps, but at what cost?
I’m not sure what the catalyst was for this imbalance, but I find it extremely frustrating and disheartening, both as a woman and a mother. I try to detach myself from the insanity as much as possible and am extremely blessed to be have some incredible and inspiring women in my life. I’ve explained to my teenage son that women like Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose and Nicky Minaj do not personify female empowerment. Rather look to Harriet Tubman, Ruby Dee, Judge Corinne Sparks, Viola Desmond, my grandmother and countless others, who blazed a tough trail with their integrity and self-respect in tact.
p.s. I’d like to add my mom to this list. She’s overcome incredible odds – including her accident last year – and recently went back to school to complete a course on computer studies. Fierce & fabulous! So proud of you mom!
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
Feature Guest Blog: Black Bridal Bliss
I’m thrilled to announce that my recent piece “The Bridal Path,” is featured on Black Bridal Bliss: The Ultimate Online Destination For Black Brides! You can check it out here. Affectionately regarded by its fans as the Triple B, I came across Black Bridal Bliss while searching for informative and inspiring wedding sites for Black brides. Because let’s face it, as fantastic as The Knot is, finding wedding information specifically geared for Black brides is essential.
An amazing resource for black brides planning their nuptials, Black Bridal Bliss offers information on every facet of planning a wedding: from engagement parties to honeymoons. In addition, every Tuesday they highlight a different signature “Tie the Knot Tuesdays” real wedding feature. Q&As with seasoned professionals, tips and tricks from bridal industry experts who actually want your business and even candid advice from married Black couples on what really counts (and what doesn’t) after saying “I do.”
Black Bridal Bliss was created by award-winning ten year media veteran Bridgette Bartlett, a talented writer/editor and editorial contributor for a variety of publications including Essence, Vibe and People. Bridgette noticed the growing trend in the wedding industry to ignore black brides “with little consideration for their wants or needs in preparing to walk down the aisle.” With Black Bridal Bliss, she has created a platform that she hopes will level the playing field.
You can learn more about Bridgette here. Isn’t she an incredible talent? And I know you remember Essence’s “Will You Marry Me?” campaign. I’m honoured to be featured on Black Bridal Bliss. Be sure to check out the site and share it with your friends.
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
Buddy X
For my girl, the ladies who could use the support and the men who need the reminder.
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
Books: Ice Cream Kiss
In her book, Ice Cream Kiss, Delaware based writer Janelle Wright-Middleton gives us a moving story of the complexity of mother/daughter relationships. Wright-Middleton reflects on her mother’s tumultuous search for love fueled by her fear of loneliness. Through the eyes of the young author, we bare witness to her mother’s life altering choices and their tragic consequences. Wright-Middleton doesn’t hold back in describing her experiences, explaining how they shaped her as a woman. And without giving away the ending, I will say that you’re in for an emotional journey so have your Kleenex ready.
Ice Cream Kiss is available on Amazon.com. Click here for the link.
Janelle Wright-Middleton “J. Wright-Middleton” Playwright, Author, Poet and Entrepreneur, Janelle Wright -Middleton born in Queens, New York is a living example of a woman destined for greatness. Janelle is currently conducting “Hug-Ya-Self” self esteem workshops for young girls ages 11-14. Visit hugyaself.com.
Janelle is also the founder of a women’s ministry called Chambers Of The Heart designed to create wholeness through cleansing, refreshing and renewal in the spirit and the soul. For information, visit jwrightmiddleton.com.
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
The Bridal Path
This just in: Newly engaged woman thinks she can keep walking on clouds and not come down a notch to plan her wedding. Well folks, that woman would be me. Now that our engagement has been announced and we’ve spent quality time with our family and friends, it’s time to get down to business and plan our wedding. Thankfully, we can already check off 3 key items from our to-do list: 1) the date has been set, 2) the church has been booked, and 3) the venue has been reserved!
Admittedly I’m in unfamiliar territory. Maybe I should be better prepared given the number of times I’ve been a bridesmaid, then again, maybe not. It’s different when you’re the bride. The planning process can feel overwhelming for most brides-to-be. God knows I’ve had my moments. Until recently, I had no idea what a blusher was and could barely pronounce hydrangeas. I could care less about extravagance or flexing some ridiculous bridezilla muscle. I’m a no fuss, no muss kind of gal. Just give me an intimate and elegant celebration and I’ll be happy.
So what’s next? Well, that’s the thing, I’m not entirely sure. I know the focus should be on the details, i.e. bridal gown, florists, decor, but I am unclear on exactly where to start. Drawing on my EA skills, I’m treating this as a major project, complete with a budget and project schedule, breaking it down by category (my Macbook makes it so easy!). Armed with this and my planning guide, I feel ready. And with only a year to go, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned so far.
1. Get on the Same Page. Talk early and often. Do get clear on each other’s likes and dislikes right away to establish your vision for your wedding. Don’t be afraid to bounce ideas off each to ensure you’re on the same page. This is no time for surprises. Don’t shut your fiancé out, he may just surprise you. Sure, there will be times you disagree, but you must compromise. Not only will your fiancé feel included in the planning process, he will appreciate knowing that you value his opinion. Update: Just as I was about to post this piece, I had an issue with Sean regarding a tiescot. I didn’t lose my cool but I came pretty damn close. Since Sean didn’t feel I’d accurately tell his side of the story, he typed up his own version of events and insisted it be included in the piece. I agreed, so here you go:
“Okay so here’s how it went down. After helping an elderly lady cross the road I decided to be proactive and visit a suit shop in hopes of finding that right tux to compliment Nadine’s dress…you see…I just want to make sure she is happy…mostly…..mostly. I quickly jumped on my bike risking my life as I rode alongside the cars on Eglinton Avenue West. With my muscles rippling in the wind I finally arrived at the destination. After being semi yelled at by 2 females who were attempting to help me in my venture to make my bride’s day a little more special the only thing I decided on for sure was that I would go with a tie-scot. YES A TIESCOT. It’s not a tie, it’s not quite an ascot, but it’s the best of both worlds…it is the ‘TIESCOT’. Pleased with my decision I returned to my queen to share with her the good news for which had been found onto me. I sat Nadine down, looked deep into her eyes while holding her hand and told her about my decision to move forth with that which is the tie-scot, not quite a tie, not quite an ascot, rather it’s a TIESCOT. Nadine started to freak out. She told me to draw a diagram of what it looked like. She…she made me….(I’m sorry…I …I’m okay just…just give me a second..)…she asked me to… (I didn’t think this would be so hard…I’m…I’m sorry…okay) she asked me to show her a photo of it and that it would need her approval first. I tried to run…but…..alas it was too late. She pulled me by my hair, put me in a headlock and told me if I screamed it would only make things worse. After explaining to her what the tie scot was…that it is not quite a tie, not quite an ascot but it is the best of both worlds…the TIESCOT, and she finally saw her reflection in the TV and saw firsthand how she was over reacting. She realized at that moment that putting that chord around my neck could not be a good thing and that the tie scot, not quite a tie, not quite an ascot, but a TIESCOT would look much better. We held each other for a while whilst my muscles blew in the wind. She cried, I laughed, I laughed she cried and she then apologized for becoming, if even for a second…a bridezilla. I tore my shirt off and wiped her tears proclaiming that we shall never speak of this day again. Rather, let us move forth towards our big day and have it become even more special by way of the TIESCOT…not quite a tie, not quite an ascot…it is the best of both worlds, for it is…the TIESCOT.”
Umm, okay. That’s not exactly how it happened but I’ll let him have his shine.
2. Know the Lingo. I didn’t know a dais from a pomander, but I knew enough to get my hands on a few magazines in order to bring myself up to speed on all things bridal. I can only imagine what Sean must have thought as he watched me and my girlfriend/bridesmaid Miranda race to the magazine rack at our local Pharma Plus the day we got back from Cuba. We grabbed every magazine in sight and felt sorry for anyone in our way. Here are some of the resources I’ve found helpful:
Toronto Life Wedding Guide 2010
Canadian Bride/Today’s Bride Magazine
Snippet & Link Daily Wedding Inspiration
Bridal Guide’s Wedding Dictionary
The Ultimate Wedding Planning Guide by Elisabeth Lluch
As much as I love Canadian Bride, The Knot is the truth! Not only is it a wealth of information, but it includes culturally specific ideas you can incorporate into your wedding. I was pleasantly surprised to see African American traditions style advice included on their website. Sad that I had to visit a online magazine based in the USA to get this information.
(Special thanks to loyal readers Tru & Melissa for sharing a few of their favourite links!)
3. Brain Freeze. If you visit our apartment, they’re hard to miss. They go where I go. I’m referring to the 5 thick ass bridal magazines I can’t seem to shake loose. The routine goes something like this: glance at magazine, absorb what I can until my brain hurts, check mark or rip out pages of interest, pause for a few days then repeat. Or if I’m online, I’ll bookmark pages or save photos. The bottom line is you’ll never be able to absorb it all so don’t even try. Pace yourself.
p.s. The nice thing about leaving your bridal magazines around the apartment is that there’s a very good chance your fiancé will glance at it and possibly point out something they like.
4. More Money, More Problems. Before a certain someone rats me out I will admit that I was naive to think that we could have a small, intimate wedding for $5,000? Okay, I actually thought we could do it for $3,000. For weeks I ignored Sean’s teasing. But it wasn’t until I received the quotes that I came down to planet earth. Do be realistic. Know what you can and can’t afford and make it work. You don’t have to break the bank to get the wedding you want. Many couples can get carried away and plan their wedding to appease their family and/or guests. The truth is if they really care and support you they’ll understand that it’s your day, not theirs. Don’t go for broke for just one day. Save your money and put it elsewhere e.g. honeymoon, house, savings. Smart couples know that it’s not about the wedding, but the day after the wedding…just saying.
Things can get sticky when family members feel they can steer the direction of the wedding because they helped out financially. Striking the right balance is crucial. Do set the ground rules early to establish how much say they should have when making decisions. Don’t treat your family like an ATM. If you can’t find a compromise then be prepared to foot the expenses. However, if you decide to accept their help, express your gratitude, be respectful of their limits and let them know that while you appreciate their input, the final decision is yours.
5. All Eyes On You. My fiancé makes his living in the spotlight. I do not. I’m low key and prefer to chill behind the scenes with a pen and a pad. I understand that my wedding is the one day where all eyes will be on me and I’m cool with that. Although I don’t plan to obsess about my appearance, I do plan on taking advantage of this opportunity to give myself a just little extra TLC. As I continue to take care of myself from the inside out with a balance diet, I’ll be increasing my weekly yoga and cardio. I’m not a fan of gyms – mainly because I prefer the outdoors & so many of those machines look like medieval torture devices – but for the right workout, I may just give them a second look.
6. What Really Counts. Do remember what it’s really about: you and your boo beginning a new chapter in your lives. Many of us in our community rarely see couples jump the broom and the few marriages we do see are usually shown in a negative light. I never viewed marriage as a noun, but rather a verb that you commit to doing every day. And being able to say that I’m marrying my best friend is a big deal and a reason to celebrate! No matter your style of wedding or its size, if you can remember to breathe, relax and laugh…together, you’re on the right path towards marital bliss.
p.s. Check out this clip from the TV show Bridezilla to see how this bride puts her feuding bridesmaids in check. Guaranteed jokes! For the record, I’d just like my bridesmaids know that it will never get this crazy, but if it does…
Love,
Nay
© Nia’s Piece, 2010
