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Know Your Worth!!

March 9, 2009

I’ve been watching the Chris Brown/Rihanna controversy for weeks now but didn’t comment.  I just couldn’t go there emotionally for many reasons, one being that dating violence and domestic abuse has in the past, been a personal one.  However, in light of International Women’s Day yesterday, I felt compelled to say my piece.

Also, I’ve been waiting for Chris Brown’s first court appearance as well as wanting to see some legal documentation before commenting. According to various reports, on March 5th, Chris Brown was formally charged with assault and making criminal threats after an argument with his girlfriend Rihanna which occurred February 8th in Los Angeles.  The alleged victim was named in court as “Robyn F.”  Rihanna’s real name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty.  If  convicted, the possible sentence could range from probation to four years and eight months imprisonment.  His arraignment has been held over to April 6th.

Documents unveiled in court provide details of how they got into a fight when she found a 3 page text message from another woman with whom Brown had a sexual relationship.  Brown is accused of trying to force Rihanna out their rented Lamborghini sports car and shoving her head against the window and repeatedly punching her in the face.  It also details him biting her and putting into a head lock, almost causing her to lose consciousness.  I read a few pages of the Search Warrant & Affidavit and my stomach dropped.  So disgusting!  No one deserves this! Ever!

Read the Search Warrant & Affidavit for yourself:  Chris Brown Search Warrant & Affidavit

Rihanna’s lawyer said that she would testify if called as a witness.  Her lawyer also stated that she didn’t want a “no contact order” issued against Brown, but rather would report any violations of an existing order prohibiting Brown from threatening, harrassing or harming her.  My question is why wouldn’t she want it?  Why would she allow him to get close enough to her to give him an opportunity to beat, threaten, harrass or harm her again and if he does, she’ll simply report it? It just doesn’t make any sense!

This is such a sad situation. There are so many rumours circulating that I can’t keep track. I’ve had read that some young people thought what happened to Rihanna was her fault and that Chris Brown wouldn’t have beaten her if she didn’t deserve it. My boyfriend works with youth on a daily basis and was shocked when he overheard girls in grade 7 saying things like, “I feel so bad for Chris. I hate Rihanna! She deserved it and was probably being overly possessive.”  One girl went as far as saying that, “He’s better off without her because she has herpes.”  It’s terrible that our youth are so misinformed. It’s obvious that more education is needed on dating and domestic violence in order to prevent them from carrying these attitudes into adulthood, effecting future relationships.  Terrible also that our celebrities, many of whom our youth look up to, aren’t setting the right example.  Instead, with their comments, they are reinforcing that idea that we should be more concerned with the abuser rather than the victim.  For example Kanye West’s recent comments supporting Brown during a February 13th taping of VH1’s Storytellers.  According to a Reuter’s report Kanye said, “Can’t we give Chris Brown a break?…I know I make mistakes in life.”  What an idiot! Also, how ironic that as I’m writing this post, CNN just showed a clip of Charles Barkley, who is serving a 3 day jail sentence, commenting on Brown saying, “It’s never okay to hit a woman.  I wish both of them the best.” WTF?

One rumour I found shocking was that this incident may not have been the first and could have possibly been the reason Rihanna wore an eye patch for a scratched cornea in 2008 at the American Music Awards.  Disturbing if true, however I have some understanding of the cycle of abuse and why some women will go back to their abusers. Later I saw the leaked photograph of Rihanna taken after the beating and thought it couldn’t get any worse.  Definitely this was her “rock bottom” moment.  Not only did she endure a terrible beating but then to have a photograph of her beaten face made public? Tragic!  Although I don’t agree with the idea of leaked photographs in an investigation, another part of me thought that the public needed to see what the face of a battered woman looked like.  It definitely brought home the message that dating/domestic violence can happen to anyone.  I also thought that if she ever  needed an out to leave this relationship, seeing her battered face all over the media would be it.  Leave girl!  Swiftly and don’t look back!  Even more disturbing to me were the rumours that Rihanna and Chris Brown had reunited in Miami at Diddy’s mansion.  I didn’t want to believe it but according to reports and photographs it apparently happened.  Insanity! Does she need to be reminded of the what the face of a battered woman looks like?  Allow me to show the infamous TMZ pic one more time…

rihanna-beating-photo

Let’s forget for a moment that Rihanna is a public figure who relys heavily on her image and that her going back to Brown sends the wrong message to her fans, especially young girls and women.  First and foremost she has either forgotten or needs to realize  her worth and that she deserves better.  She’s a beautiful young woman, someone’s daughter, sister, friend.  If he hits you or chips away at your self-esteem he doesn’t love you.  Physical and emotional abuse does not equal a loving and healthy relationship.  No matter how much you may love your partner you cannot and will not change their behaviour.  Only they can do that.  It’s not your responsibility, it’s theirs.  Why on earth she believes that she should stay with Chris Brown is a question that only she can answer.  Only time will tell the outcome of this case and their relationship.

*UPDATE*

The website Hollyscoop has a post today stating that new police report details have emerged in this case.  I’ll be waiting to for the official police report or formal confirmation from the D.A.’s office before I believe it.

Here’s the link to Hollyscoop’s post: New Police Report Details Emerge!

For more info on dating violence check out the Public Agency of Canada’s website: Dating Violence

The Toronto Police Service’s info on domestic violence can be found here: Domestic Violence

The Toronto Police Service has created a useful pamphlet with important telephone numbers to call if you or someone you know needs help or services.  You can find it here:  Domestic Violence Pamphlet

Be safe & take care.

xoxo/Nay

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Jarrett permalink
    March 9, 2009 12:52 pm

    Hey Nadine,

    If you haven’t done so already, please make sure that you are posting your blog on other social networking websites and inviting people to read and comment. This will get you a little more exposure and feedback.

    Great work!

    jules

  2. NavyJade permalink
    March 9, 2009 1:39 pm

    Thanks Jules! I presently post Nia’s Piece on 2 other social networking websites and I’m presently working on broadening my exposure. Thanks again!

  3. Dina permalink
    March 9, 2009 2:32 pm

    Yesterday, we were told that Rihanna supposedly plans to testify on behalf of Chris Brown, but everyday we learn more and more (rumors) about this surprising incident. I wholeheartedly believe she has gone back to him, and they will embark on a tumultuous and violent on-again-off-again relationship. I predict people will eventually stop caring about this pair, but until then, we’ll continue updating folks.

    I’m so over this Chris Brown/Rihanna drama, but the scandal may finally be coming to a rest, but not without more sadness. It was reported that the pop princess was seen all over Miami with Brown, which led to speculation that she forgave him and wanted to work things out. If that act alone wasn’t a big step for Rihanna, now she’s going above and beyond what any alleged abuse victim should be doing. Supposedly, Rihanna has agreed to speak to the prosecutors on Chris’ behalf. She doesn’t want Chris getting in any more trouble than he’s already in, and if need be, will admit to “her part” in the incident. WTF?! An anonymous source says that Chris Brown and the L.A. prosecutors are extremely close to a plea deal. According to that insider, Chris would plead no contest to misdemeanor domestic battery and receive no jail time. Wow!!! Does Rihanna not remember what her face looked like after Chris (allegedly) hit her? I hope she knows what she’s doing. But at only 21, I doubt it.

    On Monday February 16th 2009 Chris Brown worte this note:
    “Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds.”

    Give me a break!!! So, let me see if I’ve got this right. Chris is remorseful for “events that transpired,” so remorseful, in fact, that he needs God’s help, but much of what the media has reported about those events is “wrong.” It’s likely that the rumors that Rihanna gave Chris herpes or vice versa are total crap, but what about the alleged assault itself?
    Is that wrong too? People give your head a good shake! This is a not only disturbing but very disgusting and unexceptable! I really hope Rihanna figures this out sooner then later!

  4. Andrea Gonsalves permalink
    March 11, 2009 3:46 pm

    Hi Nadine

    Great post – clear, concise and not melodramatic at all. Nice to finally read a level-headed discussion of this very unsettling issue. While it is getting a little overbearing, what with all the comments from “celebrities” and others willing to be included in this sad little spotlight, it’s nice to be finally getting some rationale discussion of the issue, that isn’t just focussing on the two people involved but on the larger impact this incident will have on today’s young.

    A couple other interesting bits of info:
    – Diddy appeared on Ellen’s show on Tuesday and simply clarified that he open his home to friends who asked for it and was not responsible for brokering a reunion between the two. He did seem a bit put-off that Ellen was pushing the issue of his involvement, but he responded calmly/respectfully.
    – Oprah will be discussing the issue on her show tomorrow (Thursday) – should be an interesting one.

    Cheers
    Andrea

    • NavyJade permalink
      March 12, 2009 11:56 pm

      Thank you Andrea, well said. I applaud Oprah and others for speaking out against dating and domestic violence.

      Thanks everyone for your comments on this important issue.

      /Nay

  5. Ranjan Bhaduri permalink
    March 14, 2009 5:17 am

    HI Nadine,

    Very good post … thanks for sharing.

    Chris Brown is a gutless gutter-rat, and everybody should ban him for life. He’s not even a good singer anyway.

    It’s really sad to see Rihanna go back to him … those closest to her, shouldn’t allow it. Brown’s not even a real man, and it’s sad to see her with such a loser.

    I hope that Chris Brown goes to jail … if he does, he’ll get beat up … and unlike Rihanna, he’ll deserve it.

    Take care.

    Best,
    Ranjan

  6. April 22, 2009 10:13 pm

    Amazing! Not clear for me, how offen you updating your niaspiece.wordpress.com.
    Have a nice day

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