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Let It Go

August 12, 2009

“You know you’re in love when reality is finally better than your dreams.~Unknown

Recently I came across one of my old fairy tale books that I found while clearing out my mom’s bookshelves. My fairy tale collection was pretty extensive and I used to spend countless hours reading about the latest quest of a noble knight or about a princess in grave danger waiting to be rescued. In fairy tales, you took comfort in knowing that good always triumphed over evil and love conquered all. And most little girls dreamed of the day they’d meet their Prince Charming, fall in love, ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after. By the time you hit your 20s and 30s, reality bites you on your ass and you realize that happily ever after is more often than not, the exception rather than the norm. Because as hard as we may think it is to find the right person to be in a relationship with, maintaining a relationship is even harder. It takes work. And sometimes, try as you might, love doesn’t conquer all. Love isn’t always enough. It can be difficult to know when to let go.

Raise your hand if you can relate to this: You’re in a stagnant relationship and due to one or more unresolved issues you don’t feel that you’re moving forward as a couple; perhaps he wants you to move in with him but you’re hesitant; you’re talking marriage but he’s avoiding it like the plague; your biological clock’s ticking but he’s not listening; you say you’ve forgiven him after he cheated but you crack his voice mail pass code to listen to his messages; maybe financial responsibilities are unbalanced, causing an unbearable strain; or you and your ex have reconciled for the 6th time and are trying to iron out your issues yet again. How long do you hang on to a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working?

I’m not sure. I guess it depends on how much one person can tolerate. Everyone has their breaking point and speaking from experience, it’s usually when you reach it, that you receive a much needed dose of clarity.

After hammering out your issues for the umpteenth time, clarity may read like this: you realize that you’re not ready to move in with him; that marriage isn’t in the cards because it’s easier for him call you wifey than put a ring on it and call you his wife; that he may never be ready to have kids;  that trust is crucial because you can’t watch his every move; that your shoulders can only carry so much; or maybe there’s a reason why you couldn’t make it work the first 5 times.  When you’re not living life to the fullest, when your spirit is broken, when you feel physically and emotionally drained, when you’re not sure what you’re fighting for anymore, then maybe it’s time to let go.

So how long would you hang on to a relationship that seems to have run its course? Send me a line and let’s spark some conversation.

Before I go, it seemed only fitting to post Let It Flow by Toni Braxton. Enjoy!

Nia's Piece - Let It GoPhoto by Wordboner

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“You know you’re in love when reality is finally better than your dreams.~Unknown

Recently I came across one of my old fairy tale books that I found while clearing out my mom’s bookshelves. My fairy tale collection was pretty extensive and I spent countless hours reading about the latest quest of a noble knight or about a princess in grave danger waiting to be rescued. In fairy tales, you took comfort in knowing that good always triumphed over evil and love conquered all. And most little girls dreamed of the day they’d meet their Prince Charming, fall in love, ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after. By the time you hit your 20s and 30s, reality bites you on your ass and you realize that happily ever after is more often than not, the exception rather than the norm. Because as hard as we may think it is to find the right person to be in a relationship with, maintaining a relationship is even harder. It takes work. And sometimes, try as you might, love doesn’t conquer all. Love isn’t always enough. It can be difficult to know when to let go.

Raise your hand if you can relate to this: You’re in a stagnant relationship and due to one or more unresolved issues you don’t feel that you’re moving forward as a couple; perhaps he wants you to move in with him but you’re hesitant; you’re talking marriage but he’s avoiding it like the plague; your biological clock’s ticking but he’s not listening; you say you’ve forgiven him after he cheated but you crack his voice mail pass code to listen to his messages; maybe financial responsibilities are unbalanced, causing an unbearable strain; or you and your ex have reconciled for the 6th time and are trying to iron out your issues yet again. How long do you hang in?

I’m not sure, I guess it depends on how much one person can tolerate. Everyone has their breaking point and speaking from experience, it’s usually when you reach it, that you receive a much needed dose of clarity.

After hammering out your issues for the umpteenth time, clarity may read like this: you realize that you’re not ready to move in with him; that marriage isn’t in the cards because it’s easier for him call you wifey than put a ring on it and call you his wife; that he may never be ready to have kids;  that trust is crucial because you can’t watch his every move; that your shoulders can only carry so much; or maybe there’s a reason why you couldn’t make it work the first 5 times. When you’re not living life to the fullest, when your spirit is broken, when you feel physically and emotionally drained, when you’re not sure what you’re fighting for anymore, then maybe it’s time to let go.

Before I go, it seemed only fitting to post Let It Flow by Toni Braxton. Enjoy!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 13, 2009 12:58 am

    Wow, that’s a real hard one and i think the aged old question. There are usually 6 reasons to hang on one way and half a dozen to let go the other way and many times it seems like you are going back and forth between the two.. But I think the ultimate answer is – when you can let go- you will.. and the “can” can be when your fears are gone, or you are mad enough, or the bad outweigh the good- whatever is preventing you- when that finally leaves and you CAN let go- i think that’s when it’s time..

    great info!

  2. August 13, 2009 8:13 am

    girl – you hit the nail on the head..everyone has their journey to go on – but I really wish I had this to read a few years ago.

    I am celebrating my one year anniversary of freedom from my stagnant relationship and found this quote recently and found it to fit my current life right now:

    I left my comfort zone a long time ago and love where I am now.

    It wasn’t easy – but it was right. I am also reminded of the old Sanaa Lathan movie Something New – where a quote the ladies discussed for finding true love was “Let go – Let flow”….and I am indeed doing just that…and experiencing something new every day! ;o)

    find more great quotes here: http://www.whateverlife.com/photo-quote-graphics.php

  3. August 13, 2009 8:31 am

    I think if you are a strong independant woman, then it’s not hard to let a love that isn’t right go, it’s logic over love.

    Women have to stop hanging on thinking a guy is going to change, we also need to stop thinking that we need marriage to be complete. It’s only when you truly value yourself that everything you want will fall in to place.

    I speak from experience.

    As for hanging on, did it once, never did it again (was young and stupid then), back when I was single I didn’t want to waste my time on the wrong man .. figured if I did, I would miss out on the right one and when I stook by my words and dusted off a great looking potential bad guy, that is when I met my husband.

    I also think because I was a single mom, it was easier to be stronger as I had the love of my child, I understand that some of my girlfriends who did not have kids felt lonely but I also think that part of the loneliness was really boredom.

    However now that I have been married for 4 years, I must admit it was a lot easier back when I was a single mom.

    Even though I know have everything I wanted (marriage, two kids, dog just missing the white picket fence) ..somedays I wish I just had some time alone! LOL

  4. in dought permalink
    August 13, 2009 4:18 pm

    Hey never think that a man doesn’t feel the same way. It is true that we tend to hold on to our feelings and don’t show but I at this time feel like this applies to me. I too sometimes wonder how to let it go or should I stay and be a good husband and father to my child. Sometimes I ask myself why do I have to go through this and I know its because I do not want my little one growing thinking that this is how life should…. But hey how do I let go?

  5. August 14, 2009 7:18 pm

    Thank you for your comments guys. in dought, you’re absolutely right, men go through these emotions as well. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for 5yrs with my son’s father. Everything in my being told me to leave but I didn’t because I didn’t want my son growing up without a father. I understand where you’re coming from,however kids have a way of picking up on the vibes between their parents…both good and bad. We need to do everything we can to ensure that kids are surrounded by love and grow up in a loving and nurturing environment. As for how you let go, only you can answer that question.

    Melissa, I love your motto! When my breaking point came, I left and never looked back! I was determine to live life! It wasn’t easy but I made it through. I was single for 7 yrs before finding my guy. I’d like to think that I still live by your motto & wouldn’t have it any other way. 😉

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