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Real Love Shown

January 27, 2010

One of my Facebook friends tagged me in a note about relationships. An interesting note, it talked about being “suspicious of those who have to let the world know how much they love each other,” how sad it is “when you have to brag about how much you love someone” and the danger of opening up your relationship to public opinion. Other points discussed were the addiction women have to relationships and knowing the worth of your existence regardless of a man.

People posted their comments and of course, I had to say my Piece. After receiving a few comments, the person who posted the note advised us that she wasn’t the author of the note. Apparently the note was actually an excerpt from an interview that Salma Hayek did with Oprah Winfrey for O Magazine back in 2003. When Oprah asked Salma, “What makes a relationship work,” Salma offered her thoughts based on her experience. Click here to read her answer. Knowing this definitely puts the Facebook note in context. Salma Hayek is a celebrity. We all know celebrities live in a fishbowl and most of them do whatever they can to keep their relationships out of the public eye.

That said, I felt compelled to share my thoughts as I truly believe that we should support and encourage positive relationships. Check out my response below and let me know what you think.

“I happen to be in a good relationship with a really amazing man. And I’m proud of that. We’re proud of that. We’ve never hesitated to show our affection for each other in public via hugs, smooches or holding hands; anything more than that just isn’t our style. Every relationship is different. Someone who’s affectionate may have a hard time adjusting to being with someone who isn’t (either in public or in private). One could say that zero affection = zero love. You just never know what goes on between 2 people. Why? Because, it’s no one’s business. The only opinion 2 people should be caring about is theirs. For us, people can say or think whatever they want, but no one defines our relationship but us.

Young men & women in our community need to see more loving & respectful relationships. The only way to do this is to lead by example. We should be showing our young people that if they’re in love, it’s okay to show affection & feel proud doing so. If you want to tell the world, go for it! Make that declaration! Why hold back for the sake of “public” opinion. I truly feel sorry for anyone who allows public opinion to dictate how they live and/or how they love.

I will agree that some women may feel it necessary to be in a relationship at any price. You must love yourself first and know your worth because people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I was single for 7 years before I met Sean. I used that time alone to become very clear on what it was I wanted for myself in all aspects of my life, particularly love. I knew my worth & refused to settle. By the time I met Sean, I felt comfortable and knew how to recognize a good man and he knew how to recognize a good woman. Because of this, we were able to bring 100% to the table.

Like you, I have a son (he’ll be 15 next week). I’ve given my son a great foundation for life, instilling in him proper values & principles. And I’ll continue to do so as grows into a young man that will soon be a boyfriend, husband & father. As a single mom for many years, my son never saw me in relationship. It warms my heart that my son can now see me in a loving & respectful relationship with someone he loves & respects. Every time Sean & I show each other love, respect & affection we are showing my son how he should treat women. As I said before, we don’t see enough of this in our community. Let’s change that by being less judgemental. The only people who can truly speak on the authenticity of a relationship are the parties involved. We need to celebrate & support positive relationships. Hopefully by doing this we can let go of some the ridiculous rules & behaviours that impede our efforts to raise children who will grow into young men and women who value & cherish each other. They deserve better.”

Affection is essential. And you have to be willing to give & receive it freely. St. Jerome said it best, “Love is not to be purchased, and affection has no price.” Remember, it only takes one touch!



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© Nia’s Piece, 2010

8 Comments leave one →
  1. melissa permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:08 pm

    wonderful. I agree. I don’t have kids..but def was shaped by the bad and good of what I saw in my mother’s life. She too was a single mother who dealt with a lot of self-esteem issue and had some really rocky relationships. My sister and I have tried to avoid the same – but sometimes you catch yourself acting a certain way, accepting certain things and then realizing you are repeating a bad habit you learned. Love, like life is a constant process and I only hope to continue to grow and learn from each experience – good and bad – and find some good love and affection along the way.

  2. melissa permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:11 pm

    ps – I LOVE that quote!

  3. Kimberly permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:11 pm

    Hey Nadine,

    Great reading as usual! I really enjoyed this piece, in my past experience and with the experiences I’ve seen with alot of my mates back home unfortunately I have lost alot of faith in men, but it’s things like this that give me hope that they are out there and the good one’s may be hard to find but they do exist! Also with good examples shown to the upcoming men of the next generation I hold out hope that maybe people will grow to show each other the mutual respect and love that seems to be lacking in our society.

    Keep up the good work hun, and well done on the job 🙂

  4. Nalia permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:41 pm

    I totally agree with you, Nadine! I think that it’s important that people of our community show love and respect. I have been in a relationship where I was the affectionate one, but it was not reciprocated, and it felt alien. Now that I have found true love with someone who desires to show his love and affection for me, privately and publicly, it is the most wonderful thing a woman can have. I feel proud that we can express our love without caring about what others think. In fact, people need to see it.

  5. January 29, 2010 10:10 am

    Beautiful Nadine! Thank you for sharing your personal story. It really touched me. Especially the part about showing your lil’ boy a great example of how women should be treated and what a healthy relationship looks like. I love you and Sean together. You two just make sense. Thanks for inspiring me and putting a smile on my face. ~L.

    (Totally irrelevant, but you can you please change my name on your blogroll to AdventuresofAdGirl? URL has changed. :o) Thanks babe!)

  6. January 29, 2010 12:02 pm

    Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this important topic.

    @ Melissa: Believe me girl, I can relate. I too was shaped by the good & bad I saw growing up & I tried to avoid the same in relationships, with mixed results. I learned from every relationship. I feel we have an incredible capacity to love & it’s probably why we’ve been placed on this earth. I agree that love, like life is a constant process. And everyone’s “love experience” is unique. You should be better for every experience (good & bad). The journey to your ideal relationship is a very special time & should be enjoyed. There’s a really great book I read years ago, you may have heard about it, “In The Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want” by Iyanla Vanzant. Here’s the link:

    @ Kimberly: Thanks Kimberly! Well said. I’m happy that this piece was able to give you some hope. It stinks that good guys are so hard to find. It’s an imbalance that will hopefully be corrected through mutual love and respect.

    @ Nalia: I agree with you Nalia, if you’re an affection person & your partner isn’t, it can be emotionally draining. I’ve been a relationship like that before & refused to be in one like that ever again. Thanks for sharing.

    @ Lava: Lovely comment, truly appreciate it. I know that in raising a son I’m his first example of how a woman should act and be treated & I take this job very seriously. Glad it inspired you & made you smile!

    p.s. I’ve made the change to my blogroll, thanks! 😉


  7. January 29, 2010 11:46 pm

    Thank you muchos~


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